Kids Say the Darndest Things

So I'm feeling grouchy and stomping around the house one day and my son comes up to me and says, "You're a grumpy old troll." I was like, "So what if I am? Wait, what?" How did he ever learn that? Then I saw "Dora" the other day and she and Boots (the monkey)(don't ask) had to cross a bridge but a "grumpy old troll" was blocking their way. I don't know if Dominic really used that phrase because I was looking grouchy or because he had just been watching Dora. Either way, if the shoe fits....

Then we're sitting there at dinner one night and Brian expressed his disappointment about something. We all agreed that it was too bad. Dominic, looking down at some food he wasn't sure he wanted to try, chimed in with, "Oh, well, Hakuna Matata." We all cracked up. Dominic was quoting a scene from the Lion King where Simba doesn't want to eat a bug, but deciding he will eat it says, "Oh, well, Hakuna Matata." Dominic said it because he didn't want to try the chicken but was going to anyway. The funny thing was it fit in with Brian's disappointment, and Dominic hadn't even intended that.

Dominic is probably the only two year old to have seen Ghostbusters, but he has (and yes, it has caused nightmares)(don't ask). So he likes to listen to the song by Ray Parker, Jr. There's a line that says "when there's something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? Ghostbusters." So we were driving home and Dominic started pointing to each house on our block and asking me if there were ghosts inside. I told him, no, there weren't. He thought about it. We went inside. He turns to me and says, "There's no ghosts in our neighborhood." I didn't even know he knew what a neighborhood was! I can't wait for Cameron to talk.

I Need a Montage

You know those moments in the movies set to music where someone completely turns their life around? They weigh 300 pounds, but in a span of two - three minutes you see them start exercising, cleaning out the fridge, adding healthy food, losing weight, picking out new clothes and then walking into the big prom night looking like a million bucks? Sure, they did all the hard work but it took like next to nothing time to do it. That's what I want.

I don't mind doing the hard work, but I don't want it to take nine months. I'd like someone to speed up time, set it to a cool song like "Elevation" by U2, and produce a new me by tomorrow. Is that too much to ask?

At the rate I'm going, with the baby crying half way through the work out and the other one running around the room like an idiot while I try and exercise, I'll be able to lose 10 pounds in a year. Suck.

Watch Your Language, Dammit!

So I went to pick up my youngest son, Cameron, who is 9 weeks old. I left his older brother, Dominic, the two-year-old, playing video games. Well, Dominic wasn't really plating, just pushing the buttons and trying to make the game, Crash Bandicoot, work. I brought the baby into the room where Dominic was playing. He looked up from the game and saw Cameron in my arms and said, "Dammit. I wanted to play this game."

Can't fault him there. He used it correctly. Guess I better watch my language. Cameron was shocked at such salty language. I told him it wasn't like that was the first time he had heard such bad words.

Brian, my husband, and I were trying to get the kids in the car during an incredible rain storm. Brian managed to throw Dominic in and then jump in the car himself while I'm standing in the pouring rain trying to hook up Cameron's car seat. It was so cold and so miserable that I apparently let the "F" word fly. I jumped in the car and looked at Brian. He was staring at me with a smirk on his face. He says, "Well, Dominic just used the "F" word." My jaw dropped, I whipped around to look at Dominic, and said in all sincerity, "Where did he learn that?"

Incredulity was probably the look on Brian's face. He says, "You just said it!" Then he cracked up. Guess all those years in a newsroom are paying off for my child's language development.

Sleeping Beauty's Dress is Blue!

There is a ridiculous obsession with pink and blue that's occurring when it comes to boys and girls. As I am a relatively new parent, I can't speak to how long this stupidity has been going on. However, it is appalling and brings sexism to new heights. Nothing demonstrates this more than Disney's alteration of Sleeping Beauty.

Sleeping Beauty was my favorite movie as a child. I loved everything about her and especially the idea that this handsome prince came to rescue her. (My mother likes the prince from Cinderella. I maintain the prince from Sleeping Beauty is better. That's another blog). What I really loved was her dress. I had blond hair, blue eyes and blue was my favorite color. The fairies made her a beautiful dress to wear to the castle and a fight ensued over what color it should be. One fairy wanted blue, the other pink. I remember cheering very hard for the blue dress to win, and it did. She wore that throughout the movie and it was not pink unless the fairies were fighting and changing it's color. But now, Disney has succumbed to the idea that little girls, especially ones that one to be Princesses, should only wear pink. Blue, it has been decided, is a boy's color. Just look how Disney has altered it's own movie. The first is an original of the screen shot from the movie, the second is the DVD cover as sold by Disney, altering her dress to be pink instead of blue.


What is the matter with people? Would it really be so terrible if her dress was blue? What would that imply? That she was secretly a lesbian? That Prince Philip was maybe a littler more metrosexual than heterosexual? God forbid blue mean anything other than little boys. The obsession to divide the world into pink and blue only serves to unnecessarily confuse kids. Wear pink if you want, or wear blue. But don't sexualize the colors. That's ridiculous.

My Guilty Secret: Driving My Child to Sleep

Baseball season is here and that means He Who Must Be Ignored is away some nights. That also means that me and Captain Dom are on our own to explore the world, and by this I mean, kill time. It also means that our bedtime routine is a little bit goofy.

So I figure, if everything is out the window, why not make it easier for myself? So I put Captain Dom in our family car and head out, ostensibly, to "go swimming" which is code for, "get in the car, I hope you fall asleep before we get there."

Invariably, this leads to me driving around while we listen to Disney music with me looking in the rear view mirror more than is probably safe to do while driving hoping that Captain Dom will be asleep soon.

Invariably, he falls asleep. I rush home, transfer him to his bad, and rush out to the sofa so I can get to HBO on Demand and Sex and the City.

Is this cheating? It feels like it. I feel like if I don't "suffer" when he goes to bed, i.e. there's no battle about staying in bed, going to sleep, yada yada yada, then I didn't do my duty as a parent. Is it really wrong to put him to sleep like that or am I just doing what is best for both of us?

I choose to believe that this is alright. We're still working on our bedtime routine and we're being consistent when we do it. However, when ever the team is in town, He Who Must Be Ignored gets to head out to the ballpark for a game, and I get to drive Captain Dom to sleep.

Please Give Your Kid A Cookie!

USA Today says cookies have fallen off the top of the childhood snack list. Moms are bumping them for nutrition. According to the article:

Fruit is the most common snack for children under 6, and cookies are second. In 1987, cookies ruled and fruit ranked second, according to findings from the NPD Group, a market research firm.

Two things are at work here. One, moms are probably lying to the marketing team as there is too much peer pressure in today's mothering circles to admit that yes, (gasp!) you give your child cookies. And by cookies I mean chocolate. Two, moms are too uptight today to give their kids cookies or chocolate. What happened to letting kids be kids? I understand that there is an obesity epidemic, but you've got to chalk up most of that to the kids' life styles and not just their diets. Isn't the non-stop availability of television and video games more likely to blame? Of course, you've got to let the kids watch TV. Don't go all communist ban on them.

It is a delicate balance that moms have to reach, but one that is easy if you just don't over think it. Did your kid get a cookie today? Good for him. Now shoo him out the door and let him explore outside for awhile. Keep it simple. Kids can eat their cookies and enjoy it, too.